Sunburn

Message to the teacher 

Hi,

I'd like you to check these sentences from my journal. Thanks as always for your support!

Rio

Writing 

My family and I went to the beach on an island in the neighboring city on Sunday. They had canoes for rent there, so I went canoeing with my kids, under the scorching sun. The sun was very strong that day. Even though we had put on a lot of sunscreen beforehand, it turned out that we got pretty sunburned. A few days have passed since then, and my skin still hurts today. It would have been even more terrible if we had totally neglected to wear sunscreen!

Tue, 08/04/2015 - 17:22 by RioWed, 08/05/2015 - 09:57 by Matthew
No visible changes
Vocabulary 
3
Idiom 
3
Structure 
2
Characters 
369

Comments

Matthew's picture
Matthew

Hi,

It looks nice there. I just got back from the beach today. It was pretty nice there too!

  1. Your kids were rented at the beach? I don't think so! Please check the word order and where you put your modifying clause. It has to come directly after the thing you want to modify. But you did not even mention the canoes, which are what was for rent, so you cannot jam that into the same sentence.
  2. Last Sunday was the 26th of July. I think you mean the Sunday just gone.
  3. The sun and the sunlight are really one and the same. We tend to say that the sun is strong, and sunlight is bright.

Thanks for writing! I have to go to bed now. I am pooped!

Matthew

Rio's picture
Rio

Hi Matthew,

Thank you very much for your corrections after coming back from the beach! Haha, it's weird that I wrote as if my kids were rented at the beachblush I should be careful about the word order and the part of speech.

I hope I will be able to go to the beach once again this month...

Have a good night!
Rio

Matthew's picture
Matthew

Hope? You should plan on it! I do.

Matthew

Rio's picture
Rio

I fear that about a couple of weeks later, a lot of jellyfish will appear in the sea... I'll get the chance to go during Obon vacation!

Rio

taichi's picture
taichi

Hi Rio,

Thank you for sharing. I like outdoor sports, but I haven't canoed. I think you had great time. It was good for you putting sun screen.wink

Taichi

Rio's picture
Rio

Hello Taichi-san,

Nice to meet you, and thank you for your message! Yes, I really enjoyed canoeing. I'd like to try canoeing down a river next time.

Let's keep writing on Poligo! I hope other students will share their writings as well :)

Rio

Try Poligo now for free

Get help with your English writing from professional teachers 24 hours a day. We'll correct your writing and give you lots of useful advice and feedback. Poligo's service is super fast — if you don't get help in less than 24 hours, you get your money back. It's free to join & new members get 500 characters of writing checked for free.

  • Fast service.
  • 100% private.
  • Professional quality.

Write better English